JANU 2021 ︎ DECA 2020 ︎ NOVA 2020

Sunday, January 17, 2021
Spoken Field Notes from Fri / Sat / Sun... Gentle & Sensual W/Self:

*When I say we don’t have to know the HOW, well, we never really know the HOW in this material world, but I what I meant to say was the WHY.  We don’t need to know the WHY when there’s an itch we gotta scratch *and it does no harm* so by goodness scratch that itch!  The WHY may or may not be revealed to you, and/or in your opinion.  The WHY is a piece of the stories we tell to make sense of our world, as our ancestors have done since dawn.

Also, my kid’s hero got a hurt in a football game and I held him while he cried.  Then the whole family called to check in on him.  So much healing has had to happen to get us here.

Saturday, January 16, 2021

Vacuuming through blocks.  Free association.  Legal pads and a G&T with the office windows wide open.  I want to lead writer’s retreats.  Boys almost home.  Have to learn to do both.  Mother and write.  All the ingredients for homemade meatballs and GF bread.  Break bread in the courtyard.  It feels like summertime and I clipped a big olive green satin bow in my hair.  Makes the fine lines on my face more prominent somehow.  Highlighting where I’ve once been a maiden and will soon become a crone.

Friday, January 15, 2021
Woke up and gathered all the balloons and will pop them after my coffee.  Feel that so much is going on yet there are no outward indications of change.  Interesting role reveral.  Inside not mirroring the outside.  Trusting.  Somatic Trust.  Can we make that a thing?  Sure it’s a thing.  My body told me that my in person client yesterday needed to cancel but didn’t want to because she was excited.  I wrote all about it and maybe I will copy and paste it in a bit.  I had the cutest longest conversation about the mythology of Zelda with her son.  He reminds me of my eldest.  Get the four of them together for a playdate when possible.  Maybe when I go back.


Craving a haircut and an orgasm I don’t give myself.      
    All with one person please?
I’ve actually had a half a dozen Downloads that my man is a hair stylist.  


Thursday, January 14, 2021
Woke up with at least ten different Time Loops to fit into my writing.  My book?  My book proposal?  A symphony has four parts and if the cadence is on point can the writing just be talking as writing but writing not talking?  Been told to dictate the book but that feels like cheating.

Call with my training client in ten minutes.  Loving this container.  She’s growing so much and I’m inspired.  Also, inspired to do gothic makeup even though she’s old school like me and prefers the phone to FaceTime unless we’re working on her space.  Black kohl and a lipstick called “Ravenous.”

Wednesday, January 13, 2021
Played around with the search aspect on iPhotos as opposed to logging in for my accountant’s burlesque show.  I hope her feelings won’t be hurt.  Wasn’t in the mood.  Endless photos when I search “flowers” and “books;” Tomatoes pop up when I search “love.”  Strange, isn’t that?  I do enjoy tomatoes even though they’re rated orange on my. food sensitivity scale.  Ex’s pop up when I search “fish.”  Was looking for a picture of these large paper fish I hung from the beams of TreeHouse.  Made a whole aquatic scene for the babies after finding beautiful fish in Chinatown.  Flashed back to that scene with all these deflating balloons swimming around the house.  But couldn’t find it.  Just former decisions.


On an organized the garage / saged the whole home (including garage and perimeter) / wrapped homeschooling for the week / TRUMP IMPEACHED AGAIN high.


Would like to read this.
And this.


Moved the tantric painting from my bedroom into my office.  Line Of Sight upon entry, which also means I can see it from the living room couch.  Still leaning against the wall.  Not ready to name it’s home quite yet.  Commitment avoidant even with male paintings.  Vibe feels good though.


Realize I haven’t been breaking down my Private Practice sessions here.  They’ve been really radical and keeping them close to my heart *and yet* peppering them through the arduous book writing that I have re-committed to yet again.  Begin Again.  Tactful and confidential.


Making a smoked salmon omlette with fresh dill for a homeschool snack.  Toasted bread and swiss chard.  Dancing with AirPods in.

Tuesday, January 12, 2021 @ sunset
The gold ︎ balloons are still with us.  I like them.  They have migrated throughout the home like jellyfish zombies.  Not sure when I will pull their plug.  Gonna let them Linger.

Strong day of melding.   Tired but I like it.

Monday, January 11, 2021
Think I will try to write at least one poem a night.  Wrote a handful last night and below is one.  None particularly good but something eloquent about rawness when algorithms reward the saccharine.

The way the courtyard light mirrors, or perhaps is anchored by, the children’s bedroom light is quite something tonight as I exit the kitchen.  Did I do this on purpose or is this per the home’s design?  They are not home but their light is on, dimmed just enough because I cleaned their room for them and I wanted to charge it for a bit.  Resources are precious and I want to charge it, their bedroom, for a bit.  Fill it full with my love, with my desire to be a good mother.  I left little chocolate hazelnuts on their pillows and later will certainly complain that they live in a world fit for princes when I must have arranged this per design because I would never have them grow up like I did.

Sunday, January 10, 2021 late morning
There are four closets in this home and it is a warm winter day in Los Angeles, thus I am going to leave the back door open, as well as all four closet doors.  Air Out.


WAIT: Five closets.  One contains the stacked washer and dryer and hence I forgot to count it.  It is a spoken for closet.  Will let the washer air out too, maybe after doing a clean cycle on this hard working appliance?  Cleaning that which cleans.

Sunday, January 10, 2021
Terrible night of sleep thanks to some new yard art.  Going to spend the morning writing about it.  Processing.  Ever have those Feng Shui Nightmares where you’re locked in a dream rearranging and your Home/Work keeps undoing itself?  Maddening and stupid.  Think all professions / all serious hobbies have their own series of nightmares.  I know a lot about bad DJ dreams.

Desiring a writer’s club.  May assemble a courtyard crew for Sunday afternoons.  Rogan has begun a writing practice.  I will have to see if he’s interested.  Boys home from their inaugural skiing trip later today.  But I made a co-parenting rule that you cannot drop the kids off directly following travel.  Have to calibrate before you go to the other parent’s home.  That boundary, established a few years ago (for my ex travels a lot) has been a game changer.  Kinder to everyone’s nervous system.

Also want to make scones today.  Half savory half sweet. 

Dining room school house back in session on Tuesday.  Predict a day of family organization tomorrow.  Remember those growing up?  Some equivalent of making and freezing five lasagnas with your mom?

Saturday, January 9, 2021
Watched Another Round this evening.  About imbibing spirits to find quotidian joy.  The film depicts this in a literal fashion, with alcohol, yet I thought of you, and your spaces... Tangents.  My doctor was telling me how witches have imbibed over the ages, to commune with spirits.  Like cures like? 


On a movie kick.  Put the house to sleep.  Light a fire.  Watch something and attempt to not get up to tinker with things fifty times over.  Valerian laced tea with a splash of milk.

Pieces Of A Woman.

Just started Pretend It’s A City.

Friday, January 8, 2021
Stacking The Deck in favor of fertility *even prior to meeting your partner, if that is your ideal scenario* has come up in my Private Practice a few times in the past few days.  Is this something you would like me to record an episode about?

    Fertility & Creativity

Thursday, January 7, 2021
This may be a good moment to share a parenting book I keep on my bookshelf, recommended by my doctor Carolyn Barron, L.Ac.  (I helped design her site ︎.)

Where it says “ADHD,” I take that to mean constitutional temperament.  How to help your babe(s) not go too far into the depths or the flames.  Function in polite society yet lead a rich life.

Wednesday, January 6, 2021 PM
What a fucking day.  Democracy under attack.  Incited by and to protect a fragile ego.  He must have zero internal resources to cope with transition.  No matter what your politics are, this is outrageous.  The mess alone speaks volumes.

Wednesday, January 6, 2021 AM
Allllll I wanna do is get dressed up in a ridiculously glam outfit and write from a French bistro on the UES and then spend the afternoon strolling around The Met and next get fancy cakes and cocktails at Café Sabarsky before buying my babies some books at Albertine.  Fantasy land.

I used to put on some comfy vintage Yohji and then put baby Rogan in his black silk sling and subway uptown.  Have that day ︎︎︎ and then walk home, seriously all the way back to NoHo, and meet my husband at one of our neighborhood regulars.  Rogan was so so agreeable and no one ever knew he was there, suckling on and off throughout the day.  I knew it then as I recall it now: dream phase of life.  Lasted maybe six weeks and I will never forget it.

tell me & I’ll share it

Instead I just put on eye shadow and a silk blouse and my tabis to grocery shop between phone calls.

Tuesday, January 5, 2021
Sometimes it terrifies me how exhausted mothering makes me.  Jekyll and Hyde sans killing streak.  I am a different woman with them than I am without them, though I am never without them.  Like limbs of my body.  Surreal.  I’ve been raising children since I was nine years old.  This far into the pandemic and they grow anxious if a parent is out of sight, at least my little one.  Woke me up four times last night “just to check.”   Regression as winter break stretches on.  One more week, c’mon LAUSD.  Even Zoom School is a semblance of Firm Boundaries.  How will this play out for their generation?

I feel fortunate to have this close knit everything life with my sons.  Unfurling day by day.  We three are fiercely interwoven.  They are my muse... My inspiration to figure it out... To crack the code and be able to support them and their dreams.  To show them the world in a way their country club papa cannot.  Not a contest, but why have two homes if you’re not going down different paths?

Since I began sharing my work at least a dozen women have come to me, telling me they’re going to do what I do.  Flattering at first, yet followed closely behind by a flash of: Are my babies slowing me down?  Would I be farther along in some sense if I had access to my own time all the time?  Mom Guilt is very real, playing out in a myriad of sneaky little ways.  Seeing your language interspersed with Swedish and not sure how it’s supposed to feel.

Yet then I re-remember to release.  Re-remember that all is as it should be, or it wouldn’t be.  I have trust, I really do.  Room for more.  Always.  Healing cycles of abuse through beauty.  Isn’t that what we’re all up to in one way or another?  Big love and I mean it.

Monday, January 4, 2021
Had my friend Dan make us a few cellular wallpapers just cos what is closest to you impacts you mucho and I want you to remember your Declared Intent for 2021 xxx

Sunday, January 3, 2021
The boys spent much of the day crafting for their grandfather’s (my father’s) 70th birthday.  I love to see them use what we have.  So many art supplies and kits and to use it to be creative and express love warms my heart, and makes vacuuming up all those little bits, and washing those sticky paws, no big deal at all.

Oh, I created stickers before the world stopped.  I just put some on my cherished cordless vacuum.  Like a low-brow Rimowa suitcase.  If you want to be pen pals, I will send you back some stickers in the post ︎

︎ MWJ
PO Box 361011
Los Angeles, California
United States

Give me a nudge so I know to peek at my PO Box, holding down the fort in my old neighborhood.  A 90210 PO Box was too boujee even though I find my zip code deeply darkly humorous.  Wealth Consciousness training ground I suppose?  Here until I am not.

Saturday, January 2, 2021
New skincare ritual:
- pick @ face
- slather with ointments
- mask up
- head to grocery store

Like a productive spa day, no?

P.S. Added my facial steamer back into my skincare routine and skin / hair seem to be digging the hydration boost 💦

Friday, January 1, *2021*

Hosted a wee fête last night and it was so gentle.  The conversation was awkward at times, as group communication has been minimal off of Zoom.  Cute in a 2020 way.  House filled with deep deep Spotify algorithm beats and my favorite gold star balloons.  Put guavas and grapefruit from the farmer’s market on the table as our centerpiece display, all piled on top of a discounted Crate & Barrel tablecloth that I bought along with a new waffle iron the day before.  Haven’t purchased a new kitchen appliance since the espresso machine, so will have to find it a home.  Heavy!  Used it to make scallion cornmeal waffles last night and it’s heating now to make banana blackberry waffles for a late breakfast.  We three slept in and will have waffles and bacon and then take a long walk.

Envision this waffle iron as our *no food in the house* savior.  Something to pair with all those cans of soup I stocked in our pandemic pantry.  I have a collection of flours and spices and look forward to alchemizing something out of nothing next time we just don’t make it to the grocery store.  Ordering Postmates always makes me feel like a shitty human.

Will light a fire and do a tarot reading for you later today.  Drawn to use my Motherpeace deck and improvise a Gregorian calendar trend forecast for this fresh new year, where not much will change outwardly, but will provide a beautiful opportunity to become the change we wish to see.  Trite yet true, don’t you think?

Thursday, December 31, 2020

Blast this around yours as you open the back door (or back window) to let the old out *and then* open the front door to allow in the NEW:

And just loving this song right now.

Wednesday, December 30, 2020
My latest playlist 4 U:

Monday, December 28, 2020
Thinking about the myriad of domestic ways to express your love.  Yesterday I changed my sons sheets and laundered all their blankets and quilts too.  My mother is a nurse and nurses make the best beds.  Tight crisp corners.  I just finished their beds when their dad dropped them off.  They dropped into play and I continued to clean and organize their bedroom.  Made space for Rogan’s latest book series he will surely burn through.  Books in his Line Of Sight :)

Their new pajamas arrived a few weeks ago, but yesterday with the washer and dryer on repeat, I unpacked them all and took my tiny gold sewing shears and clipped out all the tags before washing and drying them.  Tags irritate my sensitive sons.  Replacing their old washed out jammies with vibrant fresh ones felt great.  Sweet dreaming 2021.  Wish I could do the same with my face but those sheet masks will have to cut it.

Boys are watching the 1973 version of Robin Hood now and playing with their Papo mythological creatures.  I got a bunch for them-tree spirit, troll, goblin, ghost, centaur, minotaur, priestess, phoenix, wizard, pegasus, etc.-to round out a lot of the knights and dragons they already have.  Do you know Papo?  I know my babes are getting older, but I feel like it is important to feed the imagination at every age, and it cannot be all sports and video games.  Room for some primordial archetypes.  Already feel like these are the toys I will tuck away for one day maybe grandkids.

A few close friends had babies recently and I have been reviewing my favorite children’s books.  Feel like I need to share my list; it’s pretty good IMO.


Saturday, December 26, 2020
I had the sweetest visit with my sons yesterday.  Walked over for a late morning Christmas hang and ended up having a tequila cocktail with their father as the four of us discussed our goals for the coming year.

The boys gave me a tiny vintage locket with their pictures in it.  They gave their dad homemade sun-catchers.

Came home to philosophize and languor.  Contemplating the ways Marion Woodman separates mind and body.  The body as our animal nature... As matter.  What actions are dedicated to Spirit?  And what actions are dedicated to Animal?

Cooked a big pasta with bitter greens and spicy sausage and had a myriad of catch up calls with my fellow single mamas.

Found a stack of mood board clippings from a quiet Saturday last month and arranged them into a motif on the floor, in front of my velvet meditation cushions.  Grabbed some spirit candles from a box of twelve (Dollar Store bulk buy) and lit two.  Nearly forgot I did this until I walked into the scene this morning, which anchors my desk in my writing room / office.  Romantic to me. 

Thursday, December 24, 2020
Neighbor Stella (of palm tree lore) dropped off candy bags for the boys.  She said she can tell when they are home or not because:  They do everything at the top of their lungs!  It’s the best! 

I actually think she means it.  Have had so many neighbors complain about my sons’ volume over the years, and while I know what they’re talking about, I cannot seem to do anything about it.  


Recreating Katz’s to the best of my ability over here.  Four pastrami sandwiches in the last 24 hours.  Happy girl.


And don’t think Shea’s gonna get those two front teeth [ all ] he wants for Christmas:

And received this rad email from a member x

Hey Meghan,

I just wanted to give you a summary of all the work I've done lately just from R4M downloads & all the results that have ~*manifested*~ into place :)

- R4M episode about peach-tones in bedroom to look good naked - discovered Phillips Wiz bulbs that can change color via your phone. Boom- rosy-colored showers on demand.
- Did a huge art rearrange a couple months ago, hoping to find the right pieces for my living room, but still couldn't find anything. Left it open for a while... then I ended up winning a piece of art via a draw on instagram (@dianazoecoop plz go see her stuff)?! So now I have a custom piece that is absolutely perfect.
- Perhaps because of my heavy-lifting & deep cleaning this year, my floors have been a source of annoyance. I hated the color & the joints were crappy. Cut to my sink overflowing whilst I was out of town- and due to it being a condo issue, insurance paid for me to get an entirely new floor that I was able to pick out. So instead of a dark brown that showed every single particle of dust, I have these huge planks of light colored laminate that almost looks like engineered hardwood. A total surprise for this year...

So no questions here, I just want you to keep doing what you're doing & sharing those downloads with us :)

And received this connected rad tip from a member x




Tuesday, December 22, 2020
My cleaning ladies quit today after last minute cancellations twice over the past four weeks, which I gently (I promise) inquired about.  Standards too high I fear, but they won’t give a reason and won’t talk on the phone.  I’m really bummed out about it, though I suppose it is on brand.  I like my house really really clean, but do most of the Heavy Lifting myself, so now back to 100%.  Strange timing as I just added three pretty substantial projects to my proverbial plate.  Quantum Leaping better happen.  And 100% ready to find a partner for this next phase of life.  Been having somatic flashes of awareness, which I will outline in a voice memo.

Going to clean house across the board tomorrow.  Get lost in a moving meditation.  Take my own advice and make it pleasurable.


︎ ︎



Monday, December 21, 2020
Zen weekend with my guys.  TBH I’m going a bit stir crazy, but who the heck isn’t?  They’re on Winter Break so I’m thinking an epic picnic and long walk on the beach today for a mix it up Monday.  The pure pleasure of food and drink is top of my list—now and always I suppose—particularly during holiday time.  Fueling up perhaps to hit the ground running in 2021?  Book and other big projects need to be pushed forward.  And *pushed* does feel like the word.  Birthed.

Still reflecting on the Office Hours.  Such a fascinating group of humans you all are.  Thank you for being cool and kind.  Over the four hours there were some really lovely overlaps, as well as some one-on-one moments.  A member shared how she has lived in her apartment for five years, with four of those years with her now ex and one with a new roomie.  Since the ex left, her grapes, which she had been working and working with, decided to explode and blossom and grow up the trellis into the neighbor’s yard.  Lush and decadent like my preferred picnic spread.

Here is a segment from Taschen’s The Book of Symbols on the mythical GRAPE:

The story of wine begins with the grape, the bright sweet fruit that seems all juice, that hangs down from green vines in heavy clusters, gleaming in late-summer light as it awaits the harvest.  This beautiful fruit appears in the first image, surprisingly, as the shining cloak of a human figure, the personified god Bacchus (Dionysus, to the Greeks).  Or perhaps the god is the bunch of grapes, an intimation that grapes, more than a simple food crop, are involved with spirit.  Once the clusters are cut from the vine and crushed, mysteries begin.   The crushed fruit transforms itself into a powerful new substance, wine.  And the new substance transforms us as we drink it, bringing intoxication.  This double transformation is the foundation of wine’s symbolism.

Grapes have been cultivated and wine produced for over 6,000 years, and some of the best wines are apparently produced by grapes grown in difficult soil, attesting to the grape’s tenacious life force.  Genesis tells us that after the flood, Noah planted vineyards.  The grapevine was often equated with the tree of life.  In Sumerian cuneiform script, the sign for “life” was a vine leaf (Stevens, 390).   

Saturday, December 19, 2020
I believe this song low key explains quantum physics.


Friday, December 18, 2020
I really enjoyed the Office Hours.  Thank you.

I’m also experimenting with red sheets.  (Santa?)  Passion?

Monday, December 14, 2020
Shea finally lost his one front tooth.  Years ago, while living in Castle and playing in the garage, he fell off of our Togo couch, which was triggering me inside, thus living outside in the “Kids Club.”  Little guy crawling across the top like a monkey when he fell onto the concrete floor and broke his two front teeth.  So much blood.  One had to be pulled a few weeks later when it became infected, and the other... Just hung in there, cracked and crazy.  I am So Happy it fell out.  Have it saved with the other in my jewelry box.

Closing Time Loops

Saturday, December 12, 2020
I walked a new neighborhood loop backwards and with ankle weights on.  Felt super metaphorical.  And reminded me of doing my mom’s aerobics tapes as a girl.

Closing Time Loops

Friday, December 11, 2020
A client was over.  A tiny black bird ran into the window, right where we were sitting.  Poor little thing looked dead, but slowly, over the course of twenty minutes, gathered his bearings and eventually flew off.  Tune into your rhythm and fly, even when life provokes bumps and bruises.  Calibration is key.  Does your space promote intrinsic calibration?  Do your intimate relationships?  How about your go to jacket?

Wednesday, December 9, 2020
Exploring avenues to legitimize my qualitative research.  Also migrating my mailing list to a much more design-forward platform.  Macro to micro energetic openings ︎︎

Tuesday, December 8, 2020
The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with Nature.
- my man Joseph Campbell

object d’art


Monday, December 7, 2020
Iris was towed away a bit ago.  Her battery was so dead that it took quite the effort to extricate her from the garage and get her on a flatbed.  I tried to drive her on Saturday night... To get my sons from my brother’s place.  He babysat for the afternoon, and let me tell you: He was just thrilled to drive them across town, home to mama.  Service center closed on Sundays, so a fun activity to start the week off.

But in my quiet Saturday Afternoon House I cleaned a bit, worked a bit and then had a walk and talk with my recent ex.  Nice hilly loop I recently uncovered.  Felt like it charged my battery to see and smell him, but clearly my car disagreed ︎︎.  I fear she’s worried I’m going in reverse, but I swear to you I am not.  No tasting him, and I could have.  That chapter is closed even as love lingers.  He’s finally moving back across the pond come February 1.  Two more ovulation cycles and then I’m in the clear.  My body kicks and screams for his touch when I ovulate.  Never experienced anything like this before.  Called him in as I developed my Sex Ed list, so yes, it works.

The new guy just doesn’t compare in this ever so important (to me) category, even though the rest is pretty darn sweet.  Thus he’s most of what I am looking for.  Love Activation curveball.  Think I need to end it, but I’m not in the mood for tough conversations, even if I typically love a tough convo.  Everything just feels like it takes ten times the effort as 2020 crawls to a close.

Have noticed a slight energetic uptick today, in the midst of coaxing Iris for rehab.  Garage tidied and wiped down the grill after yesterday’s truffled tomahawk steak and veggies.  Impulse buy, and my kids demolished it.  Broad palates are prized around here. 

Designing something cool and put together my entire newsletter while homeschooling, so that’s something.  Late but happening.  So 2020 and I’ll take it.  Now to scrummage around my Covid pantry as I clearly didn’t make our typical grocery run, and I’ve fallen back into my assumed French girl shopping per meal or two.  { MISS U NYC.  MISS NEIGHBORHOOD BODEGAS. }  Everything eventually gets normalized, even pandemic grocery shopping.  Resiliency ︎


Late Night Friday, December 4, 2020
Somehow down a short art video rabbit hole when I spy a ︎ tat on the meat of a palm as a symbol of a symbol.  The video is excellent and I think you should watch it.

Friday, December 4, 2020
Made a GF cacio e pepe last night along with some sautéed kale, garlic and tomatoes.  Mixed all the leftovers together with a little pat of unsalted butter and fried an egg to top it off.  Leftovers + a fried egg = my Dream Breakfast.  Day Two of celery juice for my first thing of the day.  Using the long ago abandoned juicer, and fuck, maybe there’s something to this?  Will stock up on celery at the grocery store when I take the boys after Zoom School.  Need eggnog too, as they’re keen to give it a gander.

Are you a celery juicer?

︎ ︎ ︎ ︎

We’re going to trim our tree tonight.  Tacky silver pencil pre-lit tree with a growing collection of Mexican tin ornaments.  Tree still in the box, so no idea... The babes fell in love with the poor thing.

I grew up with a real tree; Real chopped down evergreen.  Tried that a few times since and it always gives me the creeps to have a decaying tree in my space.  All those pine needles.  Crawling under to water it.  Sap.  But complete personal preference.  Zero judgements.  We have to feel okay with the holiday trappings we adhere to, or just skip them all together.  Mitigate mental anguish and unnecessary action.  Conservation of sanity.  Christmas was completely emotionally loaded in my childhood home, so I tread lightly.

Putting the tree in our living room, I believe.  If it fits where I envision it fitting, it will be in the Line Of Sight for my neighbors as they cruise down our side street to hop onto the canyon throughway.

Skipped the whole tree shenanigan last year, as we were moving.  I do it for the kids, but we are trying something new in co-parenting this year: Dad handles Christmas and Mom handles New Years.  Their dad is one of those Christmas People.  And he married another Christmas Person.  Excellent News!  Freedom to mix it up, but yes, took me a few years to get the gang on board.  Thus, will give my guys their gifts on NYE, and have a few friends over if it is safe to do so.  So this is technically our New Years Tree?

Looking forward to traveling to remote locals during the week of Christmas in the coming years.  With my person, whoever they may be.  And then gifting the boys a family trip for their NYE present.  Feel such a need to embed travel into our lifestyle when that is a possibility, so traveling quantum-ly until then.


dude is a topiary

Thursday, December 3, 2020
Been so oddly tired.  Took my stack of *must do paperwork* out of my office and spread it across the dining room table.  Only pile allowed in the house.  When it gets too big I make myself address it.  No way around addressing it now.  Mood Board clippings in the pile.  Cannot decide what I want to do with them, if anything.  Secret web portal?  Remember Website Shui?  Wiped down my desk and my laptop with a homemade spray.  Opened the shutter blinds.  Immediately felt better.  Big Zoom meeting.  Went pretty well.

Headed out for an evening stroll—or should I say afternoon, as it now is dark by 5pm—to integrate and while walking, a girlfriend called with an incredible Download that she received on my behalf.  Promptly called a client to discuss.  Love this supportive community.  Truly takes a village, particularly when the collective energy level is down at the bottom of the barrel.

Monday, November 30, 2020
Got my book rocking and rolling again after a breather.  Alignment paramount.  Aligned Systems Of Support.  And changed the artwork on the wall behind my desk to Stack The Deck.  On verra.

Sunday, November 29, 2020
Yesterday was my first solo day in quite some time.  I live for my solo days of long strolls and musing in front of the fire  and art projects and using up food in the pantry.  Introvert who can occasionally pass as an extrovert.

Woke up with the awareness that I was broadcasting a signal in my sleep.  As I get more clear on my goals for 2021, I find that my body is calibrating to the new wavelength and starting to announce my availability to my heart felt desires.  I want to see if this pattern sticks and then report back.  Somehow cued by writing a small symbol on the meat of my palm... Where the pointer finger and thumb meet.

Saturday, November 28, 2020
Bouncy Hair Don’t Care Mood Board Extraordinaire
-or body at rest and mind at play-

Friday, November 27, 2020
Oh dear.  My libido is linked to unavailability.  Will have to work on rewiring this circuit in the quantum field.
Rx: Strolling.  Story writing.  Symbolism.  Sensual exploration.

Tuesday, November 24, 2020
After nearly a month of brain fog and lethargy, I am accessing energy again.  I felt like my body went near dormant to... Boost immunity?  Calibrate all of the shifts?  “Protect” myself from a man with an open heart?
I was up between two and four in the morning with Downloads on how Quantum Mechanics intersects with my work to date.  Cool epiphanies and I spent an hour taking notes.  As soon I would think I was done, and get up to turn off the light, another Download would come.  Now to let them simmer to see if they track.  Calls for a round of bold experimentation and would necessitate a serious upgrade in my operating system.  Could be super major.  Seeing into Being.  Being into Seeing.

The boys and I hiked for two hours this morning and then I took a solo 90 minute evening stroll after their dad picked them up.  Increased movement across the board and most certainly connected.

Dinner with the open hearted man tonight, and apparently a swim, as he told me to bring a bikini.  He’s sourcing ribbons from his office for a photoshoot I have tomorrow.  I like that this is even a possibility.  The word possibility coming up quite a bit in my research of late.

Monday, November 23, 2020
Down a rabbit hole of youth culture and this montage reminds me of our community endlessly rearranging until we get it just so ︎

Sunday, November 22, 2020
Deep into musing on Quantum Mechanics meets Feng Shui.  Absolutely connected, yet how to explain the overlap of the Venn Diagram in a grounded style?  Took the boys for a long walk on the beach to walk and think, yet covered less philosophical (sandy) ground and more mothering.  Silly to expect otherwise with my crew.  A lovely afternoon.  Lots of hand holding and rock finding.  Shall get back to my musing post baby bedtime xx

Saturday, November 21, 2020
Caught bits of this local food podcast while I was running errands... David Chang co-hosting with Evan Kleiman as a special Thanksgiving prep perk.  Heard a segment from a pomegranate farmer, who recommended putting the seeds (arils) into ice cube trays for festive beverages.  Just love that.  Did you know that pink pomegranates don’t stain but the red ones absolutely do?

Turkeys are out this year and small birds are en vogue, which makes total sense for those respecting social distance guidelines.  Also highlighted a pre-Hispanic Thanksgiving menu, as well as fusion dishes from American immigrants.  Lots of food for thought.  Great year for reconsidering Declared Intent of a holidays intertwined with colonialism.

We will be dining al fresco with our bubble.  What about you?

Friday, November 20, 2020
I am going to start training with my somatic healer.  Healing cycles of abuse through beauty in the body.  A new level of Home/Work.

How to be at home in our homes AND in our vessels?  My fascia was twisted.  Head and neck spun around, not unlike the image below.  Once released, my facial harmony was restored and my eyes seemed to sparkle.  Much akin to a freshly rearranged room with an aura of glamour.  Balanced Lines Of Sight indeed.

Wednesday, November 18, 2020 PM
What do you wear when you host these days?  (IF you can host these days, I know.  We’re all taking turns with Lockdown Number Two.)  New fella bringing over groceries to cook for me.  If he’s a good cook I will loose it.  So far checking lots of line items off the list of Downloads I keep in my phone, but early in the data collection phase.  Still in that realm of early dating where you count each date.  This is Date Number Four.  We’ve had two dinners where we were the last ones out and then a day drive to Ojai, stopping for seafood in Malibu en route home before a fireside make out.

I decided to go with my favorite pandemic “careful hostess in the evening” outfit: silk leopard pyjamas.  Barefoot of course with French braid pigtails.  Just a hint of shimmer via Saie’s Glowy Super Gel and just a hint of cat eye via Glossier’s Pro Tip and just a hint of scent via In Fiore’s Saffron Of Kashmir.

I will probably play my ex’s room mixes for awhile.  It’s not about his love energy at all.  He just makes really good mixes cause that’s his literal job.  (Playing Kitchen now but Bath is my favorite.)  He’s the first ex I haven’t wanted to obliterate from my life post-breakup because I genuinely dig his taste in gifts.  Cool old Chinese folding tray beside my desk holding office supplies to keep my desktop clean and clear.  Strange mirrored flamingo art in the kids’ bathroom as a mirror placeholder.  Plus a pilfered white tee by Issey Miyake that I certainly won’t offer to return  because I wear it constantly; feels more mine than his at this point.  Hence... a few “False” statements on my go-to Sex Ed For Adults True / False checklist ︎

New guy is a style superstar.  If it progresses I will share what he does, but it honestly couldn’t be more aligned with life goals.  Mantra for years had been “Surrender” and now it’s “Build.”  Continuum.  Springs.

Wednesday, November 18, 2020 AM
Last night we came home from baseball practice and the garage door wouldn’t open more than a foot.  So I parked the car in the driveway, which is steep, thus applied the parking break.  This morning the garage still wouldn’t open AND the parking break wouldn’t release, well until it did, but it has me thinking about springs.  Spring mechanisms.  Bouncing back.  Resiliency. Flexibility.

Louise Hay talks a lot about flexibility in her fan favorite “You Can Heal Your Life.”  Metaphors in the Mind Body Connection.  Often issues with joints or our necks are about being inflexible.  Refusing to go with the flow and the body feels the pain of our mental anguish.

The garage door repair guy said the springs were shot.  Replaced them in under an hour and will have the car looked at soon.

Oh, and the garage door guy was an Italian gentleman in his 50’s and was playing EDM via his phone.  Like new fella in my life meets the old.  I have had a headache for over a week.  Faint but omnipresent.  Think my body is fearful of letting love in.  So I asked Louise:

HEADACHES come from invalidating the self. The next time you get a headache, stop and ask yourself where and how you have just made yourself wrong. Forgive yourself, let it go, and the headache will dissolve back into the nothingness from where it came.

Migraine headaches are created by people who want to be perfect and who create a lot of pressure on themselves. A lot of suppressed anger is involved. Interestingly, migraine headaches can almost always be alleviated by masturbation if you do it as soon as you feel a migraine coming on. The sexual release dissolves the tension and the pain. You may not feel like masturbating then, but it certainly is worth a try. You can’t lose.

Excerpt From You Can Heal Your Life
Louise Hay

Sunday, November 15, 2020

Thursday, November 12, 2020
Did a love activation for a near neighbor.  Gorgeous home, but oddly (at least to me) was utterly surrounded by fake hydrangeas in pastel shades.  Like a perpetual baby shower hosted by a woman who would adore a baby.  Replacing faux flowers with real plants in these decadent planters will be monumental in itself.  Stacked the deck with fresh matching lantern light bulbs around the perimeter.  And then some room for wild love making in the bedroom.  Didn’t touch anything else.  She’s a maximalist so less feels like more here.  She says she’s tried everything so let’s see what happens.

Wednesday, November 11, 2020

Tuesday, November 10, 2020
Cranky today.  Emotionally hungover from Election Week.  Masturbated in a pool of sunshine warming the bed.  Nice afternoon pick me up to get me through baseball practice without being a snappy mama.  Orgasms keep me sane.

Saturday, November 7, 2020


Had a MINI this morning with the first person who booked on the new site.  Ten minutes after Biden & Harris were confirmed as the winning ticket.  She’s in an 11.  An individual on a new journey looking to journey in passion.  Another individual to stand beside her.  Sent her my Raya friend pass to Stack The Deck ;)

Only a month back, she moved from San Fran to Malmö.  Insanely cool professional opportunity.  Will learn how it all works, which is perfect for her systems oriented brain.  From Florida and had been living in Cali, so looking for the warmth her body knows, while broadening into the freedom of geographical distance... Distance from previous expectations.  One real down comforter to replace the synthetic duo common to Swedish bedmaking.  Ceramics as functional art.  Feel good fancy towels on the towel warmer.  You’d swoon to see her minimal closet.  A little line up of chic black coats.  Tons of room for more.  Living in a freshly renovated tabula rasa.  Little finishes to finish it all.  Close the punch list.  All white with pops of black and wood.  Newly furnished.  Well lit and well ventilated storage unit comes with the space.  Separation of church and state.  She’s already moved out the IKEA art and the fake plants, along side her empty suitcases.  She’s actually already done all her Heavy Lifting.  Going to sail through deck stacking and be Inside/Out in no time at all.

We did more talking than looking.  Very poignant.  Grateful.

I’m going to take the Storage Within Storage out of my bathroom cabinets and wipe everything down then put it all back in place.  Don’t really think there’s much to Prune.  Not sure why I want to do this but I really want to do this.  Had a lot more planned for today but going to leave it for tomorrow.  Light a fire and feast with my family. 

    Sending love.

Friday, November 6, 2020 PM
First date with Antonio and he picks me up in the car I have told a handful of girlfriends my guy would drive.  It’s silly, really, but I had Downloads about it super strongly when I was breaking up with my husband.  Turns out Antonio sourced his CAr from a dude upstate and then drove it down the coast as his welcome to Cali tour.  Many many synchronicities outside of this superficial one.  Don’t know if I should be excited or not.  Still don’t know if love should be easy, though I know it’s not supposed to be hard.

Friday, November 6, 2020 AM
Will we figure out who our 46th president is today?

4 + 5 = 9 ︎︎︎ closing credits

4 + 6 = 10 ︎︎︎ 1 + 0 = 1 ︎︎︎ Begin Again

Getting to know a Millennial dating expert and her NYC apartment today.  Excited to compare notes.

Thursday, November 5, 2020
Wiped down the mailbox.  It gathers the city’s dust and nature’s pollen.  Love a clean mailbox.  Important for love and money.

Swept and watered the patio.  Found a sacrificed grasshopper in the birdbath...


Zhushed the boys’ room / our Money Corner.  Added in a sweet plant.  Nurtured the three orchids before moving them to a new perch, in the Line Of Sight as one walks into this room.  Layered on the “winter” quilts, which have a tropical vine pattern and are trimmed in forest green velvet.  Sweet little matching twin Monterey beds.  Haven’t used the oil diffuser in quite awhile.  Grabbed it from it’s home in storage and put in some spring water and cedarwood.  Smelling and feeling so fresh in there with just these little changes.  Stack The Deck style for sure.

Long overdue chat with an interior design girlfriend.  She’s been in the English countryside for a month.  Romantic.  Left earlier than they would have liked, so idyllic, but England locking down once more.  Sending love to the my Brits.  And the Italians.

First phone chat with someone new.  An Italian interior designer.  He called on his drive home from a site visit in Palm Springs.  Bonded over our preferred way to make espresso (Moka pots).  Always full circle over here.  Yin and yang.

Wednesday, November 4, 2020 PM
Sex Ed 4 Adults is back online!  I truly love this content.  Rework everything else, constant editing, but this I like just the way it is.  Just works so well and I vowed conscious celibacy... but...

Guess it’s the perfect time to step back through it.  Turn off the election news and consider each Action Item.  Effectively cross-checking my Home/Work of late, both in and out of my bedroom.  Marked three of the seventy plus statements “False” and one “N/A.”  Not quite prepared to transition my fallacies into truths, so we shall see.  Calculated Risk.

    An hour later: transition one False to True ︎

Wednesday, November 4, 2020 AM

Tuesday, November 3, 2020

Baseball practice now ends earlier due to the time change and the dark skies.  I like it.  They’re still little and I don’t like our bedtime routine creeping too late.  Don’t like a rushed energy to pervade our evenings.  Firm Boundaries & Wild Freedom Within.  We collectively were craving Chinese food, so we headed to our go to place, who was boardeding up.  No outside dining on such a charged evening, but we placed a to go order and then walked the neighborhood for twenty minutes while they prepared our food.  Discussed the boards everywhere (this is a stretch where much protesting has taken place).  Discussed the election.  Walked through what we would do when we got home: eat, then showers, then cozy jammies and slippers for watching the news while building Legos.  And we walked to a convenience store for chocolate bars :)

Unprompted, both boys thanked the owner for the delicious food.  Shea told him how he’d been craving it for months and the guy beamed.

Home, Rogan laid the table and Shea put away the baseball gear.  Their new helpfullness is fantastic.  I plated our food and lit candles.  A fire would have been overkill, as the evening wasn’t quite chilly enough.

I’ll never forget them taking turns to snuggle on my lap as the results slowly dripped in.  Let them stay up “late.” They were asleep by 8:45pm and I turned off the news shortly thereafter.  Did some legal pad journaling.  A new batch just arrived at mine and they are so golden and precious to me.  Have their own desk drawer.

How did you spend Election Night?

Saturday, October 31, 2020
Voted this morning.  At a women’s center in Beverly Hills.  Pleasantville and it irks me.  Just before 11am and zero line and not sure what to make of that.  Came home to write.  When your sons’ stepmother is a C list celebrity party planner, you’re in the clear for most holidays, and I couldn’t have designed it better.

I’m writing in my courtyard and a tiny brown and pink bird was trying to fly through the living room windows and when I stood up to help(?) usher him(?) away, he darted into the house, into the dining room—where unfortunately that window doesn’t open.  I opened the front door and the kitchen window and then messed around with those shutter blinds and the little terrified guy flew out the kitchen window.  Didn’t even leave a mess, but I windex-ed the window regardless.  Scared me too.  Long two minutes.

Now it’s leather pants and leftovers and purple tapers and Scream on the new tv.  Leftovers are braised artichokes and coconut crusted shrimp “sushi.”  Weird yet tasty.  I’m drained.  Big client consults this week and too much on my mind.  Haunted perhaps?  All cool.  Or toasty!  Fourth fire in as many days.  The weather of late Delights me.  Fires burn up all our old shit.  Medicinal.  Have a working fireplace?  Use it my love.  See many that go unused.  Learn how and it will become second nature.

Grateful for the peace and quiet and hoping I don’t get scared again.  Happy Halloween 2 U!  Ready to spy this Blue Moon?

Thursday, October 29, 2020
Swept up pine needles for an hour.  Excellent meditative activity.  Feel it in my biceps.  And used the spray nozzle on my garden hose to coax dead lemons out of the tree I am coaxing back to life.  Lemons into lemonade sure, but those dead, dried and rotting lemons into the green bin is delicious too ︎

Wednesday, October 28, 2020
I had my boys for a week and a half, which was excellent, but busy.  I don’t want kids and work to be at odds, or to only have kids and work in my life, but such is this moment in time.  Pandemic parenting.  Single and not that keen to mingle.  I personally don’t believe in dating apps like I don’t believe in Instagram, but I decided to be somewhat moderate and keep my profiles on both, to use how and when I desire.  Remind me to talk to you about “bleeding out energy.”

So this morning, I slept in till my body wanted to wake up, which was ~ 8:45 am.  Late for this house :)  Typing to you from bed with my cappuccino.  This little espresso machine was such a key purchase.  Makes me feel like the luckiest.  I polish it until it shines after use, and even had the company send me an extra milk frothing wand attachment, as I wash it on the daily and one time it went missing :(  Been on an 80’s interior design kick while living at The Foundation, thus digging appliances in all shades of white and cream.  The *uglier* the better.

I had an older version of this expresso machine while I was at Parsons.  A hand me down from my folks.  Bright blue and metal.  Sturdy and rad.  You had to grind the espresso and pack it like a barrista.  (I was a barrista in high school but lost the gig when my father beat up my boss, but that’s another story.)  So the newer version is plastic-y, like a Tesla to a Ford, but with the plastic comes convenience.  Less elbow grease and less mess.  Disposable pods that you can recycle.  I would have the older version if I could find a working one and had the cash to spend.  For a different house / different style / different phase of life.  Sticking with 80’s ugly faux convenience-y fit for now.   Fits. 

Google “Francis Francis,” if you please.

This is my second night sleeping in my new bed.  The first night I was cold.  Blankets and quilts stacked in a tidy pile just outside my room, in a coat closet that houses my New York coat collection I’m not willing to part with despite living in Los Angeles.  Oh, the glorious days you can wear layers!  Coats and jackets on the hanging bar.  Blankets and quilts stacked high on the shelf.  Two baskets on the ground.  One for our coming and going shoes.  And the other for the laundry soaps, etc.  The washer and dryer are stacked in another closet down the hall, with no room to spare, so I just bring along this little basket when I’m doing laundry.  I even take the dryer sheets out of the box so they whole thing is pleasant to behold.  Used to use woolen balls, but it’s the same as the above.  Sharpen our game when I have more mental wiggle room.

Elevation for chores.  Just redid the under the kitchen sink cleaning supplies caddy, as well as the heavy duty cleaning supplies caddy that lives in the garage.  Fresh toilet brush, fresh sponges, and renewed backstock of go-to products.  Wave two en route, heck here now, or simply buying in bulk?

Anyway, the point is I stayed in place and stayed cold.  Not sure why.  Pattern observation.  I see it all the time with my clients.  It would require effort.  But, it would give birth to change.  Discomfort on both ends of the spectrum.  Interesting, no?

Night two, last night, I put on a freshly washed quilt.  Layered it under my Pendleton woolen blanket.  It’s a tiki print in shades of beige and orange from Tommy Bahama, from my last bedroom, painted matte Mocassin.  Did a tonal theme there.  And new bed actually upholstered in that same scorched earth hue, peppered with black and white.  High Low.  Custom bed covered with Bed, Bath & Beyond.  Those coupons, c’mon?  Much warmer night’s sleep.  I woke up around midnight with a splitting headache (release?), so took some Advil and drank a jug of spring water, and back into the warmth.  Had dreams that my partner is deaf, and that I will learn ASL and we will have the most intimate life together.  Growing up, our neighbor across the street was deaf.  My sister and I took watercolor lessons from her.  She was stunning, both then and as a young woman; she loved sharing old photo albums.  But no one would marry her.  Her best friend, a widow, lived next door.  Jane’s house was pale green and Mathilda’s was grey blue.  Fit their energies. 

Saturday, October 24, 2020
These stamps.  I’m forever buying stamps.  Write a few letters every week.

Friday, October 23, 2020
On my morning walk I was suddenly overcome with anger.  Was I channeling my monthly client, clawing her way back from a brutal divorce?  Or was it about the way my lover and I ended things?  I decided either way, it wasn’t mine, so I emailed it to him to deal with and then FaceTimed my client.  Done and dusted.  Have processed anger that didn’t belong to me for too long, so no longer necessary.  And my client IS angry.  We crafted a plan to banish her Designated Shitshow here and now.  A former employee is driving to hers to haul away a room full of furniture that no longer serves her, yet is a windfall to him.  Change The Story With A Generous Act.  And then easy next steps to Stack The Deck.  When she can peacefully sleep in this room sans trigger (Emotional Landmines) then the task is complete. ︎

On a separate note, this︎ may be the most R4M song ever.

Wednesday, October 21, 2020
Had a beautiful date night with the latest issue of PURPLE.  Purple really is my favorite color right now.  Amuses me.  Such a color.  Tapered candles are purple.

Living room is purple.  Office is purple.  What’s happening?

Tuesday, October 20, 2020
Lit the candles again for breakfast.  Rogan declared it was more, “sophisticated than romantic, cos we’re kids,” and it’s clear they appreciate these moody meals.  (Been so foggy here; dig it.)  Language shift.  Whole body language shift.

Monday, October 19, 2020
My baby swam.  Holding him in my arms reminded me of how small he still is.  Time Traveling back to his home birth a few yards away.  Turned the evening into a family celebration, complete with 80’s candlelit tabletop.  Celebrate all the wins these days and moving forward.  Root and cheer.

Sunday, October 18, 2020
I gave a houseplant a sponge bath.  And I took off the boys’ iPad cases to really clean those things.  Washed the physical cases in the kitchen sink, and then wiped down the devices themselves.  And there was too much stuff on the patio / Love Courtyard, so I took some off.  That cleaned out garage is my favorite.

Saturday, October 17, 2020
Three R4M babies born recently:
︎ Aurora Marie
︎ Everett John
︎ Wilhelmina Clementine

Welcome one and all.  May you be shepherded and shepherd.

Friday, October 16, 2020
The heat has been relentless in Los Angeles, so I haven’t used my fireplace in forever.  Got a Download last night to open up the glass doors and air that puppy out.  Cleared away cobwebs with a stick of palo santo.  Living room seemed grateful.

Wednesday, October 14, 2020 PM
Long stroll through Santa Monica and Venice while Iris gets her 30,000 mile service.  It’s so regal when a building, when a home, announces itself with a declaratively posted address.  Makes a major difference.  Tone established.  You know where you are.

Wednesday, October 14, 2020 AM
Desk Chair Epiphany last night.  Kids noticed the shift this morning.  Recorded the details for an upcoming post on activating and anchoring areas of your home.

Tuesday, October 13, 2020
Woke up with another game for you: pick a color; let it come to you intuitively, or allow it to catch your eye, and then follow it throughout your home.  Mentally note or snap pictures from an outside looking in perspective.  I picked Lime Green.  It’s kinda everywhere.

Noticing our tendencies, our patterns.  Our Story.

All this getting ready to be ready, all this feathering the nest (tablescapes and energy games and so on and so forth)—plus a breather from my nightly glass of wine—and my dreams are really cleaning house!  Lots of processing, with more access to the inner mechanics.

Do you analyze your dreams?  Do you keep a dream journal?

Saturday, October 10, 2020 PM
Texting with a member in labor!  Told her to pass the baton from mind to body... surrender into her innate wisdom / trust her daughter.  Delivering my sons were the two most powerful days of my life.  Fucking surreal.

Saturday, October 10, 2020 AM
Opened the back door and then the front door to let in some cool air—fresh energy—for any hint of Autumn is my happy place.  It’s increasingly  clear to me that So Cal is not where I am supposed to be longterm.  Regardless, I spy the praying mantis who has taken up nighttime residency on our front lantern.  She’s a badass; must be having a lazy morning.  Usually see her when it’s dark out and my sons ask to run laps in our driveway; channel that growth spurt mojo, boys ︎︎

When I see an animal that seems to symbolize a moment in time, I will read about the actual animal, rather than about someone else’s interpretation of the animal symbolism, and then draw my own conclusion.  Another intuitive honing technique, IMO.

Lots of conclusions drawn, but most abstractly that it’s time to have a “proper” tabletop set up.  You know I love an air quotes proper.  But what I mean, is that I am ready to emulate and then embody the ritual of a more formalized family dinner routine.  Reset that pandemic slack.  [We’ve been using these plastic museum gift shop placemats since we moved in.  Before this home, we didn’t have a dining room table and ate around a minuscule chabudai.]  I just hopped on Etsy and got some rad placemats, coasters, candlesticks, and two sweet little bud vases.  All from the 80’s.  Siamese cats are involved, as are my beloved irises.  Flora & Fauna.  All super reasonable.  Total came to $134.06 for a six top.  Do a search for “Otagiri” and let me know what you think.

Friday, October 9, 2020
Yesterday I grabbed two pumpkins and one gourd for the three front steps, and when I watered the boxwood that I am trying to save from an onslaught of sun, I “water” them too.  Cleanse them of the dust from the pumpkin barrel.  These  squash specimens feels like Halloween decor enough, as the mayor of Los Angeles has canceled annual festivities this year.  My sons have already designed workarounds; love a good costume as much as their former-sorority girl mama.

Tuesday, October 6, 2020
I had a facial a few weeks ago—a rare treat in times like these.  My facialist wrapped our time together by brushing my hair for what felt like an hour.  Pure heaven.  Nice firm bristles that had my head feeling alive.  Downloads percolating.  Scalp orgasm.  I found a hairbrush online to keep those good feelings rolling—and as a way to spoil my sons and lovers.  Have you ever been lost in the Moving Meditation of brushing someone’s hair for them?

Monday, October 4, 2020
My GC Cesar swings by to hang more ceramic yard art.  Cut back on booze so room for another vice.  Hung a gorgeous eclipse by the front door and another sun and moon in The Love Courtyard.  Sol y Luna.

Saturday, October 3, 2020
Feels so good to be home after a week away.  I cannot help but dive into a day of Home/Work.  Mail and packages.  Open up the windows.  The houseplants missed me and are depressed, though the outdoor landscaping has never looked better.  My neighbor Stella has quite the green thumb and has been watering everything back into bliss.

The garage needs a zhuzh.  The great garage clean out has been the gift that keeps on giving.  Banished our Designated Shit Show and now have a new realm of Continual Refinement & Elevation to play in / play with.  I hang a hippie sheet over the storage unit and the whole room calms down; the kids take to it immediately, asking me to back out the car so they can skateboard.

The grill delivery guy comes.  His name is Vince and he’s cute.  Then my cute brother shows up with hot dogs, pretzel buns and kimchi for our inaugural BBQ.  I thought the grill would go on the patio, but it dominates the Line Of Sight from my bedroom window, so I plot to move it to the opposite side of the house where there is a brick platform where a side door used to be.  It’s the perfect size.  Plus, it’s in the Wisdom Zone, so fits the cycle of elemental creation (Fire ︎︎︎ Earth).

Thursday, October 1, 2020
Not historically big on modern conveniences, yet perhaps the tide is turning?  I’m here at the hotel and thinking of my houseplants.  I  watered them on Sunday before I left, but I’ve been sending them love and using my Nest app to give them a little blast of “fresh air” each evening, to move out the heat of the day and have a little dance in the manufactured breeze.

My new bed is arriving this month.  I’m semi-lusting after the modern convenience of a TV—IN MY BEDROOM.  RADICAL—yet I haven’t turned on the two televisions in my suite once.  Streamed the presidentail debate on my phone and only after realized, “Oh, that was stupid.”  I mean all of it.

Wednesday, September 30, 2020
Remote MEGA with an emergency responder based outside of SF in fifteen minutes.  I freshen up, putting on a colorful Thai silk dress, with a deep V halter neckline (open heart).  I grab a legal pad, flip to a fresh page and as I scan her floor plan in preparation, I sprawl “BEDROOM SWAP” across the top and then underline it for good measure.  That’s it.

Zoom opens.  She’s in a very similar cut dress :) and tells me that she woke up with the craziest idea... she thinks she needs to swap her bedroom and her guest bedroom.  I hold up my legal pad for her to see; she gasps and then grins.  Transmission of energy before the consultation even gets going.  Six years living here and no real romance, so let’s shake it all up.

Monday, September 28, 2020
An example of how Begin Again & Heavy Lifting work in tandem → two days ago I was panicked.  New site nowhere close to done and my book proposal lingering in perpetuity.  And honestly, craving escape from the doldrums of quarantine parenting.  Love my boys, but impossible to get shit done for more than twenty minutes at a time.  So I’m chatting with their dad about baseball bags and grip tape for bats when he mentions that he needs some time away next month.  Hmmmm.  Me too, but like now please.  He’s happy to “trade the days,” as he has a flexible week this week.  Then my folks call about grills.  They really think I need one for my patio.  I tell them I’m too stressed to think about open flame and wild kids during wildfire season, but good news: I have a week sans parenting starting tomorrow.  Can I come to theirs?  Crash on their third floor to visit and write?  They have a better idea—likely a safer one as well—and cash in random hotel points for a room at a resort 90 miles outside of Los Angeles.  Free suite!  Out of my house.  Keep me from my coping mechanisms of cleaning and organizing when I’m stressed out, thereby creating room for more work/work rather than Home/Work.  And here I am, typing away to you.  Working on the site, including this new feature of R4M, where I will log illustrative anecdotes that don’t make it into the voice memo talk show.

Friday, September 25, 2020
I recently found out that dishwashers have filters, after calling the manufacturer about a strange film inside of my ten month old dishwasher, which makes me feel idiotic, yet so it goes.  My beloved toaster died and I got a new bright yellow one that came with a three sided black toothbrush—so groovy that I immediately knew it was meant for the dishwasher filter rather than the toaster.  Now my filter is clean as a whistle, and a weekly scrub has been forever ingrained into my kitchen cleansing rhythm.

A few days later I am at my lover’s home, waking up to him bringing me coffee with a splash of chocolate milk, plus an update that his dishwasher smells rotten.  I ask him if he knows dishwashers have filters and he tells me, “no shit.”  But turns out that his dishwasher is a very special dishwasher with the filter hidden below a myriad of screwed down bits.  He dives into one moldy disassemble mission and the whole thing turns me on, but have to head to my client’s home in Echo Park or I’ll be late.

I’m twenty minutes late.  Thankfully the timing is perfect for her, for her kitchen sink erupted that very morning—get this—as she was attempting to replace a faucet FILTER.  The plumber has come and gone and now the extra spot in her driveway is all mine.

After her MEGA wraps, I head home to find a small package that Whirlpool has surprised me with, containing a single “affresh“ tablet, promising to deep clean the interior of my dishwasher like none-other.  I’ve gone the natural route with baking soda and white vinegar, but always down to experiment, I toss it in and prepare to be amazed.  Another Snail’s Trail of synchronicities.